Own It | Week 3
Week 3 Own It
You Can’t Do Life Alone
Big Idea: To sound and look Like Jesus, we all need help from others.
Key Verse:
Hebrews 10:24-25
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.
What were the different people groups you remember from when you were in middle and high school? (Rednecks, Preppy’s, Stoners)
What was your group, and do you still remember the names of your friends from middle school and high school?
How do these memories remind us that we can’t do life alone?
From the message, what are the ABCs of Life Groups?
Read Matthew 5:17
Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.
Why did Jesus make this statement, and why was it important?
Read Matthew 5:22-24
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
How does our relationship with others affect our relationship with God?
What challenges you in this verse?
Read Matthew 5:27-29
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
Why does God care about what we think?
Read Matthew 5:43-44
You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
How does Jesus call us to treat our enemies, and why does it matter?
Read Matthew 7:12
So, in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Why is this a call to action instead of minding your own business?
Read Matthew 7:24
Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.
Why is it more beneficial to do more?
Why do we need more than a 30-minute message to follow Jesus?
Why was the Sermon on the Mount so revolutionary in understanding our relationship with God and others?
Read Hebrews 10:24-25
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.
Why do we need each other to follow Jesus individually?
Own It | Week 2
Own It Week 2
Found People, Find People
Key Scripture: Matthew 28:19-20
Big Idea:
As followers of Jesus, our goal is to reach as many people as possible with the good news of Jesus.
Following Jesus should look and sound like Jesus.
-You have heard this statement in both messages so far.
-Does this idea challenge or motivate you?
-What will you continue to do or need to change for this to be true in your life?
If you want to know what Jesus meant by what Jesus said, pay attention to what Jesus did.
Read Luke 19:10
For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”
According to this verse, what are the two steps to Jesus’ process in his purpose?
-Jesus was on a mission to search out all who were lost from God.
-His goal was not to fix them or judge them but to return them to a relationship with their heavenly father.
Read Isaiah 53:6a
All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own.
How does the reminder of where we once were in our relationship with God help us to have a healthy perspective of others who are lost from God?
Read Luke 15:3-7
Then Jesus told them this parable:
“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
Why would the shepherd leave the 99 to go find the one?
-What does this say about how God sees the lost?
-God doesn’t look down on the lost but looks for the lost.
Read Luke 15:8-10
“Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
If you lose something of value, does it lose its value?
-What causes people to lose value to us?
-If those who are lost are valuable to God, how should we value them?
Luke 15:11-32 tells the story of a son who takes his inheritance from his dad before his dad is dead. The son then wastes half of his father’s life earnings on partying and hookers. Eventually, a famine hits the land, and the son finds himself broke and takes the only job he can find feeding pigs. It was a big nope for Jewish people because pigs were considered unclean. Finally, the son realizes that if he went back to his dad’s farm and just became a hired hand, he would be better off, so he goes home.
Read Luke 15:20-24
“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.
-What would be your reaction if you were the dad?
-This isn’t about his behavior. It’s about our broken relationship being restored.
Following Jesus should look and sound like Jesus.
Read Matthew 28:19-20
Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[a] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
-What does this verse say to you?
-How can you own it?
Found People, Find People
Own It | Week 1
Week 1 Own It!
Big Idea: "Following Jesus should look and sound a lot like Jesus."
Introduction:
Once upon a time, the Church changed the world, not because of what they believed, but because of how they behaved.
That influence over the years has dwindled. Church attendance by adults dropped below the majority in 2020 to 47%, and in May of 2023, only 31% of adults said they attend Church regularly.
What happened?
The top 5 reasons are specifically linked to the behavior of the Church.
Be it a moral failure, judgmental attitude, or treatment of others inside and outside, the Church lost its influence on the masses.
None of the reasons had to do with Jesus.
Like it or not
Bad Christians happen to good people.
Many people object to the behavior of Christians, and that's not something new.
When writing a letter to C.S. Lewis about potentially converting to Christianity, author Sheldon Vanauken wrestled with this exact thing in his book, A Severe Mercy:
"The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians — when they are somber and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in complacent consecration, when they are narrow and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths. "
How the Church behaves shapes what people believe about Jesus and their heavenly father's opinion of them.
What is the Church?
"Following Jesus should look and sound a lot like Jesus."
How does this statement define the Church?
Read Acts 15:19, The Brother of Jesus said.
"It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God."
What are some obstacles the Church may have created that made it difficult for some to come to Jesus or follow Jesus?
-Only when we own the shortcoming of the past can we hold the responsibility to be the Church Jesus intended for us to be.
Read Mark 16:15 And he (Jesus) said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.
As the Church, all of us have the same instruction from Jesus.
What is your world?
How can you better own the responsibility to show the Gospel to your world?
As a collective body, It begins here.
5. "If we're going to reach the unchurched, underchurched, dechurched, and postchurched with the gospel in a culture that's trending post-Christian, we must rethink our approach."
Read I Corinthians 9:22b
I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means, I might save some.
As the Church, we must marry the message & date the model.
What does the above scripture and statement mean to you?
What are some things you have seen at TFF that show we are changing our approach?
What is something you are doing or can do to change your approach?
What can we as a body do better?
What can you as an individual do better?
6. In 2009 God rekindled that passion for Don Womble, our lead pastor, and others to return to the original idea of Church, and The Fountains Fellowship began.
The purpose: Lead people step by step into a growing relationship with Jesus.
The mission: For the community to know we're here, are happy we're here and are better off because we're here.
We who call ourselves believers are spiritual contributors, not consumers. The Church does not exist for us; we are the Church, and we exist for the world.
7. The Church is a family expecting guests.
How does that shape our attitude toward the weekend services?
8. Once upon a time, the "love one-another" culture of the Church stood in sharp contrast to the "bite and devour one-another" culture of the world.
Imagine a world where people were skeptical of what we believed but envious of how well we treated one another.
9. You, the Church, are God's agent of transformation for the world.
Joining together as an owner with TFF is our opportunity to participate in that transformation.
What steps do you need to take to be a contributor and not just a consumer at the local Church and in your world?
10. How can our influence or lack of influence impact the next generation?
For your children, and your children's children, to know the love of their heavenly father and to connect and stay connected in a relationship with him by following Jesus.
We must leverage all that we have to show them that following Jesus is what’s best for their lives.
So when they go into the world, the world will be better because they are in it.
So that the next generations can participate in God's purpose and the message of love, hope, acceptance, forgiveness, and freedom continues for them and through them.
11. We do not presume that we at TFF are perfect or have it all figured out.
We all have a next step in growing our relationship with God and others.
We are A Gathering of People in progress.
Over the next 5 weeks, we submerse ourselves into the 5 core values of TFF. Our hope is they become ingrained in our hearts and minds.
What is one action you can take this week to begin your next step in becoming a true representation of Jesus in your world?
Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets | Week 6
The Relationship Question
There's a question you can ask yourself that will bring inescapable clarity to just about every relational decision you'll bump up against. But a word of warning: it's not for the faint of heart
Discussion Questions
Read John 13:33–35 aloud. What key phrases stand out to you and why?
What does love require of me? When you ask yourself that question, what relationship comes to mind? Why?
Questions to ask yourself related to the previous messages in this series:
Am I being honest with myself, really? You’ll never get where you want to be until you’re honest about where you currently are. Is there a specific decision or an area of your life that you've justified your way into? If so, what is it?
What story do I want to tell? Every decision you make is part of your story, so make it a story you are proud to tell. Is there a chapter that it's time to close? Is there a new one that needs to begin?
Is there a tension that deserves my attention? Sometimes things look good on paper, but you know internally that there's a reason to pause and take a second look. What's a time you're glad you hesitated? When did not paying attention to the tension cost you?
What is the wise thing for me to do? A decision can be "not wrong" and "not wise" at the same time. So in light of your past experience, your current circumstances, and your future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for you to do? In what situation do you need to be asking yourself that now?
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.– Proverbs 27:12
Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets | Week 5
The Maturity Question
It's human nature to snuggle up to the edge of irresponsibility or disaster and stay there as long as possible. But instead of wondering how close we can get before crossing the line, we need to ask ourselves perhaps the most important question we can ever ask.
Discussion Questions
“Our excuses escort us to the threshold of regret and abandon us there with little margin for error.” Does this statement ring true for you? Can you think of an example?
When making a decision, why are we more prone to evaluate options through the filters of legal, moral, ethical, and acceptable than through the filter of wisdom?
Read Ephesians 5:11–16. What key words stand out to you? Why?
Would you commit to asking—not acting on—but simply asking the wisdom question for seven days every time you make a decision? In light of my past experience, my current circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do?
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.– Proverbs 27:12
Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets | Week 4
The Conscience Question
Sometimes an option we're considering creates tension inside of us. When that happens, it can be tempting to ignore the discomfort or brush by it. But instead ofdoing that, we need to pay close attention to it.
Discussion Questions
Do you have a name for your internal warning system?
Have you ever been really close to pressing GO on a big decision, but at the last minute bailed for no other reason than something about it just didn't seem right? Did more information surface after you hit PAUSE?
In what ways does our memory verse (below) support the habit of paying attention to the tension?
Is there a tension that deserves your attention? What is it?
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.– Proverbs 27:12
Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets | Week 3
The Legacy Question
Your life is more than random, disconnected events. It’s a story being written. Whether it’s a thoughtful response or an emotionally fueled reaction, we write the stories of our lives one decision at a time.
Discussion Questions
Can you identify a decision in the past that served as the beginning of a new and better chapter in the story of your life? What decision introduced a chapter you would rather forget?
What was the catalyst for those decisions?
Read Genesis 39:1–10. What stands out to you about how Joseph handled this situation?
Do you know anyone whose story, through no fault of their own,set them up to write a story characterized by bitterness and resentment, but they decided their story in a healthy direction?
Think of an area of your life where the decisions you are making now could significantly impact your next five years. Would you say you are currently making decisions that will likely create the story you want to tell? Explain.
Is there a potentially catastrophic decision tempting you now? Are you willing to find someone to help you steer clear of it?
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.– Proverbs 27:12
Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets | Week 2
The Integrity Question
The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror. But when we do the hard work of being honest with ourselves, we’re on our way to not selling ourselves on a potential regret.
Discussion Questions
Read Jeremiah 17:9. What stands out to you? How does it make you feel?
When was the last time you “sold yourself” in order to justify a purchase?
If a sales associate in a retail establishment said to you the kinds of things you say to yourself (when selling yourself), how would you respond?
Where do you struggle the most telling yourself the truth? What are your go-to justifications?
Jesus said that knowing the truth will set us free (John 8:32). But acknowledging what's true can be terrifying. Is it possible that the fear of what you might discover about yourself by being honest with yourself is an obstacle to the freedom you desire?
In what current circumstance do you need to ask: Am I being honest with myself... really?
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.—Proverbs 27:12
Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets | Week 1
Deciding Our Way Forward
We never know what or who hangs in the balance of the decisions we make. But we do know that our decisions determine the direction and quality of our life.
Discussion Questions
Do you know someone who’s a good decision-maker? What makes you think that about them? Would you consider yourself a good decision-maker? Would other people consider you a good decision-maker?
Can you think of a decision you regret that could have been avoided if you had either asked more questions or seriously considered questions someone else asked you?
What makes the salesperson in your head so convincing? Why do you know better but don't decide better?
Read Proverbs 27:12.
•What stands out to you?
•Have you ever “seen trouble coming” but kept moving in that direction anyway?
•Have you “seen trouble coming” and taken refuge? What made the difference?
Tough as Nails | Week 3
Our Once Upon a Time
INTRODUCTION
Once upon a time . . . Jesus stood against the injustice of an empire and the hypocrisy of the temple. He introduced God as the father. He taught his followers to love their enemies and forgive everyone. Jesus never wrote a word or traveled farther than he could walk. But he taught a way of thinking, believing, and behaving that, though it was foreign and seemingly impractical, changed the world forever. Jesus isn’t finished changing the world. He calls on each of us to stand against injustice, love our enemies, turn the other cheek, and follow him.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Do you enjoy election season, or do you meet it with apathy or dread? Why do you respond the way you do?
2. During the message, Pastor said, “There was once a version of Christianity that was awe-inspiring.”What would it take for Christianity to be awe-inspiring in our culture?
3. Read Acts 4:12. Does this passage offend or disturb you? Why or why not?
4. What are some things you fear? How does that fear undermine your ability to follow Jesus?
5. Read Acts 4:24–33. During the message, Pastor said, “We pray little prayers. Perhaps that’s why so little happens.” Respond to that statement. Do you agree? Why or why not?
6. In what areas of your life do you need to pray more boldly and with greater confidence in God? What is one thing you can do this week to change the focus of your prayers? How can this group support you?
MOVING FORWARD
As a nation trembles in fear, looking to the government for salvation, as rhetoric gets nastier and more dangerous, people take sides. Compassion wanes. Racial divides increase. But there are those who have no fear. They’re informed but not worried. The worse things get, the better they get. They are Democrats, Republicans, Independents, but above all, they are Christians. What will our Once Upon a Time... story be?
CHANGING YOUR MIND
Acts 4:12
“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”
Tough as Nails | Week 2
Fix Your Eyes
INTRODUCTION
The New Testament records that early Christians didn’t fear loss. They were selfless and confident. They weren’t arrogant or self-confident. They were humble because their confidence wasn’t in themselves; it was in Jesus. That faith in who Jesus was and what he had done for them freed them to boldly love others. Does our faith look like that? How would it change our world if it did?
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. What do you think comes to most people’s minds when they hear the word “Christian”? Why?
2. What are some things about our world that tempt you to view Christianity as fragile? Why do you think those things endanger the faith? How do you think those assumptions influence your relationship with Jesus?
3. During the message, Pastor said, “Faithfulness shines brighter during times of uncertainty.” Talk about a time when uncertainty made your faith shine brighter.
4. Read Hebrews 11:37–38. Does the idea of having the kind of faith that would make the world unworthy of you seem realistic or attainable? Why or why not?
5. In what area of your life are you successful at looking forward and being faithful? What are some practical ways you can you apply your approach to that area of life to an area of life in which you’re tempted to look backward and be fearful?
6. What is one thing you can do to fix your eyes on Jesus instead of safety, security, and comfort? How can this group support you?
MOVING FORWARD
Is your version of Christianity worth the price early Christians paid for it? The author of the book of Hebrews wrote, “They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted, and mistreated—the world was not worthy of them.” What would that kind of faith look like for you and me?
CHANGING YOUR MIND
Hebrews 12:1–2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Tough as Nails | Week 1
In the Beginning
INTRODUCTION
Life is full of danger and uncertainty. We see news reports almost daily about violence and terrorism. And sometimes it feels like faith is under siege. 2015 was the worst year in modern history for Christian persecution. More than 7,100 Christians were killed for faith-related reasons; 2,400 churches were damaged or destroyed. Surrounded by uncertainty, it’s difficult not to be afraid. But Jesus offers us another option.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
2. How do you usually respond to uncertainty? Do you try to control your circumstances? Do you feel overwhelmed and shut down? How effective has your approach been throughout your life?
3. Do you ever feel like Christianity is under attack in our nation? If so, how does that stretch your faith in God?
4. Read Matthew 10:28–31. What are some reasons it can be difficult for us to live as though God values us so much that he’s numbered the hairs on our heads?
5. Read Luke 9:23. Think of a person or group that views or treats you unfairly because of your faith. What would it look like for you to “deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus” in the way you respond to that person or group?
6. Talk about something—culturally, politically, professionally, or relationally—that makes you afraid. What is one thing you can do this week to replace fear with faith in your heavenly Father? What can this group do to support you?
MOVING FORWARD
Uncertainty is for certain. It’s unavoidable. It’s beyond your control. But living in fear is optional. Remember that Jesus—your Saviour—was born into, lived through, and walked into the jaws of uncertainty. A world too often defined by violence, arrested and crucified him . . . and then God raised him from the dead. That is the cornerstone of our faith. That’s why living in fear is optional.
CHANGING YOUR MIND
Matthew 10:29–3
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Killin’ It | Week 3
Week 3 - Known Survivor
INTRODUCTION
We all want to be friended, followed, liked, and mentioned. We all want to be recognized, admired, sought after and envied. We hunger for approval. We want applause. We want to be known.
But what do you do when there is no amount of "known" that will satisfy your appetite?
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
What are some ways the appetite for being known is reflected in our cultural values?
At the end of your life, what would you most like to be known for? Why do you want to be known for that thing?
During the message, Pastor said we all hunger for approval from our fathers. Do you agree? Why or why not?
Read John 3:26–31.
Context: Jesus had appeared on the scene to begin his ministry and had begun to baptize people as John was doing, and it disturbed John's disciples.
26 They (John's Disciples) came to John and said to him, "Rabbi, that man (Jesus) who was with you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified about—look, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him." 27 To this John replied, "A person can receive only what is given them from heaven. 28 You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.' 29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30 He must become greater; I must become less." [a]31 The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is from the earth belongs to the earth, and speaks as one from the earth. The one who comes from heaven is above all.
In what ways do you need to "become less" so Jesus can "become greater" in your life? What are some obstacles to that happening?
From what audience do you most hunger for applause—your friends, your spouse, your children, your parents, your boss, your peers? How does that hunger drive your behavior and decision-making?
What is one thing you can do this week to stop seeking the applause of other people and begin to listen to the applause of your heavenly Father? How can this group help you follow through?
MOVING FORWARD
Work hard. Hone your craft. Broaden your influence. Build your career. Write great books. Move mountains. Change lives. But in the end, remember who it's from and who it's for. The applause of the One who knew you first, who knows you best, who gifted you and called you is the only applause that will matter. Your heavenly Father is the One you want to hear say, "Well done."
CHANGING YOUR MIND
The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!"
John 1:35–36
Killin’ It | Week 2
Week 2 - Heaven Rules
INTRODUCTION
Maybe you're a "Three P" person—you have power, prestige, and possessions. You have influence. You are envied. People take you seriously because of what you've accomplished, what you look like, or who you're married to. There's nothing wrong with being a "Three P" person. But when it comes to pride,
"Three P" people face a unique challenge.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
In what ways do you see power, prestige, and possessions abused in our culture? In what ways does that shape our cultural priorities?
Talk about a time when you've seen someone treat his or her personal influence as a temporary stewardship from God.
How was that person unique?
How did other people react to him or her?
Read Daniel 5:26.
For context, these are the words that appeared on the wall at King Belshazzar's great banquet, where he mocked God by bringing out the God and silver goblet stolen from the Temple when he conquered Jerusalem.
"Here is what these words mean:
Mene (numbered): God has numbered the days of your reign and brought it to an end.
Tekel [Weighed]: You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting.
Peres [Divided]: Your kingdom is divided and given to the Medes and Persians."
What does it mean to you that God has numbered the days of your power, prestige, and possessions?
To what extent does that principle currently influence the daily decisions you make?
What is one area in which you're regularly tempted to look down on others—education, possessions, physical appearance, influence, experience, intelligence?
What is the cost of giving in to your pride?
Think about the areas of your life where you have the most influence, power, and prestige.
What would it look like for you to treat those areas like temporary stewardship from God for which you are accountable?
What is one thing you can do this week to remind your pride that you are just a steward of God's blessings?
How can this group help you follow through?
MOVING FORWARD
When you see someone with less—less sophistication, intelligence, education, money, or influence— you're tempted to think more highly of yourself. Pause for a moment and tell your pride, "The Most High is sovereign over all the kingdoms." Remind your pride that everything God has given you is a stewardship. It's temporary. You are accountable for how you use it.
CHANGING YOUR MIND
"'The decision is announced by messengers, the holy ones declare the verdict, so that the living may know that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes and sets over them the lowliest of people.'"
Daniel 4:17
Killin’ It | Week 1
Week 1: Remote Controlled
INTRODUCTION
There is a sin that is so common to the human experience, and it is the gateway to all other sins. It promises to make us bigger, better, and more important but only makes us smaller and meaner. It strips us of our capacity to connect with others. It stands between us and our heavenly Father.
So, what is “it,” and how do we kill it?
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
In what ways does our culture reward pride? In what ways have you seen that affect people’s lives?
Talk about a time when you knew the right thing to do but let pride prevent you from doing it. What did it cost you?
Read Philippians 2:5–8.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature (in the form of) God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature (or form) of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!
What would it look like for you to have the same mindset as Jesus in your relationships with others? What are some practical obstacles to your treating others that way?
How does pride manifest itself in you? In what ways do you protect your own image?
What does pride masquerade as in you—confidence, intelligence, fashion, sarcasm, a commitment to excellence, or something else?
What is one relationship in which you need to initiate reconciliation? What can this group do to support you?
MOVING FORWARD
Pride crowds out other people. It crowds out God. Pride is a prison. Saying no to pride is saying yes to God. Root out the pride in your life. Kill it before it kills you. Why would you opt to follow something that is killing you when you’ve been invited to follow someone who died for you?
CHANGING YOUR MIND
In his pride, the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts, there is no room for God.
Psalm 10:4
Love, Dates, & Heartbreaks | Week 6
When Dreams Can’t Come True
We all have hopes and dreams, but what are we supposed to do when our hearts are broken, and our dreams can’t come true? It’s tempting to take matters into our own hands, but is there a better way?
Discussion Questions
What is one dream from your childhood that didn’t work out the way you thought it would?
Have you ever known someone to respond to broken dreams in a positive way? To what do you think they would attribute their response?
The prosperity gospel assumes if you do something for God, God will do something for you. When have you tried to negotiate with God? Explain.
Read 2 Samuel 15:25–30. Then the king said to Zadok, “Take the ark of God back into the city. But if he says, ‘I am not pleased with you,’ then I am ready; let him do to me whatever seems good to him.” The king also said to Zadok the priest, “Do you understand? Go back to the city with my blessing. So Zadok and Abiathar took the ark of God back to Jerusalem and stayed there. But David continued up the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went; his head was covered and he was barefoot.
• What do you notice about David’s behavior as he leads his family out of Jerusalem into the wilderness?• How might you view your current circumstances differently if, like David, you stopped negotiating with God and allowed him to work in your life as he wishes?
Do you believe there’s a purpose for you even when your dreams can’t come true? Why or why not?
What can you practically do this week to remain faithful despite a broken heart or a dream that can’t come true?
Moving Forward
When your heart is broken, and dreams can’t come true, that’s the time to lean in, look up, and reach out.
Pray: “I offer you my dreams and plans. Do to me whatever seems good to you. I acknowledge your right to rule. Your will be done in me.”
Love, Dates, & Heartbreaks | Week 5
Five Rules for Dating
If you don’t want a relationship like the majority of relationships, don’t date like the majority of daters. In this message, Pastor gives five rules for dating.
Discussion Questions
If you could use one word to describe dating in today’s culture, what would it be?
If you find dating to be complicated, why is that?
Look over and discuss the five rules Pastor gives in this message:
• Rule #1. Guys: Ask girls on dates.
Ask someone to do something specific on a specific day and time. Clarity is honoring.
• Rule #2. Ladies: Agree to dates.
Don’t agree to just “hang out.” If he asks you to “hang out,” ask if he has a specific plan in mind.
• Rule #3. Don’t ever mistreat anyone, even if they don’t seem to mind being mistreated. Be truthful. Don’t mislead.
• Rule #4. Don’t allow yourself to be mistreated.
If you saw a relative being treated the way you are being treated, would you be upset?
• Rule #5. Don’t do anything that makes you a liar for life.
You are writing your story. Write one you aren’t afraid to be asked about.
Changing Your Mind
It can be easy to blend, bend, and pretend in order to get in or stay in a relationship. But we need to ask ourselves: Am I losing myself in order to do so? If so, it may be worth considering taking a break from dating. Next time around, you’ll be more prepared to exercise your muscles of courage, self-control, honor, and intentionality.
Love, Dates, & Heartbreaks | Week 4
Groundhog Date
Many times, we learn from our mistakes in the areas that matter least, but we repeat our mistakes in the areas that matter most. So how can we ensure that the next time won’t be like the last time? Instead of being a conformer, it’s time to be a transformer.
Discussion Questions
Name some areas in life where people quickly learn from and correct their mistakes.
In relationships, why is it difficult to correct many of our behavior patterns?
Check out these myths. Do you need to undo any of these beliefs? If so, which ones?
• Experience Myth: Experience will make me wiser.
Truth: Evaluated experience will make you wiser.
• Know-Better Myth: Since I know better, I’ll do better.
Truth: Know better ≠ Do better.
• Time Myth: Time is against me.
Truth: Time is your friend.
What’s your initial reaction to the notion “Time is your friend”?
Read Romans 12:1–2. Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
• Why would Paul use the word “urge” here?
• Would you characterize yourself as a conformer or a transformer?- Conformer: Repeats the same patterns, particularly patterns that have been culturally accepted as standard behavior.
- Transformer: Intentionally chooses to learn from the past and change regardless of cultural norms. Will take the time to evaluate the past and own their mistakes.
To be able to renew your mind, it may be healthy to take a year off from dating. What would be your biggest reservation about doing that?
Changing Your Mind
If you don’t want the next time to be like the last time, do something different in the meantime.
Love, Dates, & Heartbreaks | Week 3
Week 3: Grownup Love
From elementary school through high school, many of us had ideas of what the perfect relationship would look like in the future. While those dreams may not represent our current reality, a step in the right direction could be to follow the apostle Paul’s advice—move from our childish ways and start being grownups.
Discussion Questions
Who was your first crush?
What “childish” notions or assumptions about love did you carry into adulthood?
Read 1 Corinthians 13:6–7.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
• What are some ways we can protect the ones we love?
• Are you able to believe the best and overlook the rest? What makes you say that?
4. Read 1 Corinthians 13:11.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
Where do you have work to do? Are you self-seeking? Easily angered? A scorekeeper? Not protective?
5. What couples do you know that seem to have put most of their childish ways behind them? What about them makes you think that?
6. For your current or future relationships, if you could work on one thing about yourself to transition from child to grownup, what would it be?
Changing Your Mind
Look over these words that describe what it means to demonstrate love. For each one, are you more interested in becoming more like these or for someone else to?
Patient
Kind
Not jealous
Not arrogant
Honoring
Self-less
Not easily angered
Not a scorekeeper
Protective
Trusting
Hopeful
Persevering
Love, Dates, & Heartbreaks |Week 2
Week 2: The Fine Print
If becoming the right kind of person is key to a great relationship, how do you do that? Is there something you can do to prepare? Does it just happen? Sure, we’re supposed to love others, but what does that really mean? Let’s lean in and read the fine print.
Discussion Questions
What is something you’ve trained for? What did you do to prepare?
Looking at culture, would you say dating is preparing people for great relationships? Why or why not?
Read 1 Corinthians 13:4–5.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
What stands out to you from these verses? How would relationships look different if more people loved this way?
Relationally, we may run at different paces. When you find yourself at a faster pace, how can you make sure you aren’t leaving the other person behind? What are some indicators that you are pushing rather than accommodating?
In your family, was kindness seen as a strength or a weakness? How did you see this play out?
Is it hard or easy for you to celebrate those closest to you? What are some ways you can celebrate them this week?
Honor is at the heart of every satisfying relationship. What makes you feel honored? What makes those closest to you feel honored?
Changing Your Mind
A promise is no substitute for preparation. If we want to have great relationships, we must do some work. We need to look at ourselves and see where we may need more practice.
Where do you have work to do?
Patience?
Kindness?
Public celebration of others?
Honor?
What is one thing you can do this week to take a step?